1) Ear infections turn your child into a sociopath.
2) Steroids make you hungry enough to finish off a plate of cheese grits, eggs, toast, and cereal before your husband can finish buttering his bread. I'm not kidding.
3) It's better to let your child chew on his father's toothbrush in the living room, out to the car, and into Wal-Mart rather than hear one more tantrum.
4) If I put in stainless steel appliances, I wouldn't do much more than break even. That's according to my realtor.
5) Because I'm a stay-at-home mom, repainting the bedroom shouldn't be hard. That's according to my realtor.