October 24, 2005
I've officially lost it.
I have a baby doll that I have dressed, undressed, and dressed again in the family baby clothes. On top of the changing table, no less. I've held her while looking in the mirror, and if she were any bigger, I'd be putting the cloth diapers on her. Right now she is lying in the bassinet Tom's grandfather made.
Tom says that we have to lose the doll as soon as my infant massage class is over.
Best-behaved Baby in the Class
Yep, I'm taking infant massage. Not because I'm Supermom, but because I have a friend getting certified who needs pupils.
Two other women in the class have real live babies who coo and smile and wave their limbs. I didn't expect their presence to excite such yearning in me. I always figured that once I got pregnant, my baby fever might be somewhat satisfied. Never did I think that the overwhelming longing I felt while trying to conceive was only a shadow of what I'd feel as my time draws closer.
This yearning (okay, hormone rush) had me on the verge of tears. As I watched the mothers and daughters, it just seemed too good to really, actually, truly happen to me. Here I am, 26-weeks pregnant, with a baby that could potentially live outside of the womb, and I'm still in disbelief.
This is just how I am. I can watch Auburn make a 74-yard touchdown run, but I have to muzzle my celebration until I'm sure a holding call won't bring it back.
Oh well, at least my baby didn't roll over at inopportune times or "gaga" over the teacher's voice.
Time Speeds Up
My comfort is that time is now passing quickly. My first trimester drudgery has been replaced by an inability to keep pace with the weeks flying by. I'm satisfyingly busy.
October. What happened to it?
A year ago, being pregnant was a distant dream. Now here I am as full with child as I could have hoped. How quickly will this next year pass? Next October, will I look back with a child in arms wondering where the time went?