Victories and Defeats (Wk 6: TRYING TO CONCEIVE)

April 12, 2005

With out-of-control emotions matched only by an out-of-control cycle, I vowed last week to quit thinking about babies. Daydreams about breaking the news to family and friends? No more! On-line searching for baby clothes? Nope. Visions of baby and me lying on a blanket at the park next spring? Get thee behind me, Satan!

That's was the idea, anyway.

How'd I Do?

Victory #1: I purchased some feminine products in anticipation of Aunt Flo's visit. How's that for accepting reality? It wasn't as demoralizing as I thought. Of course, I'm hoping it will jinx me in a positive way.

Defeat #1: Off to Babies-R-Us to purchase a shower gift! This in itself wasn't a defeat. My plan was to print out my friend's registry, pick an item, buy it, and go. Yeah, right. I browsed the store for almost an hour. Let's just say you don't send a recovering alcoholic to a bar.

Victory #2: While driving home from my parents', I didn't stop at the mega-awesome thrift store between our towns where you can find some pretty cute baby clothes for pennies on the dollar. When temptation veered me off on that exit, I stopped instead for an ice cream cone.

Defeat #2: Dare I admit it? I took a home pregnancy test. (You knew that was coming.)

Victory #3: I've upped my pursuit of an old hobby: horseback riding. An amazing lesson on my favorite thoroughbred revved me up to increase visits for as long as I wait on a fetus. I've been suppressing my riding due to the expense, trying to save up for a baby. Well, no more. I've thought about horses all week, filling up those crevices in the brain formerly filled with babies.

Defeat #3: Determined to quit charting, I did cave in yesterday, taking my temp. Well, slip though it may be, I got some good news: a high temp! No sickness, no travel, no erratic sleep to nullify it. I have ovulated.

Now what?

With a post-O temp two mornings in a row, I now wonder when this ovulation took place. Did it happen back in March, with the travel recovery messing up my temps last week? Did it happen last week? Is Elvis really dead? Is there life on other planets?

I've decided to test tomorrow. If the test is negative, I'll hold off for another week (at least, that's what I'd like to believe). Whatever the case, at this point I'm glad to simply have a two-week wait!