Mums the Word (Wk 9: PREGNANCY)

June 28, 2005

You'd think I were in the third grade. "I've got a secret. I'll tell you if you promise not to tell anyone." Yes, I've begun telling a few close friends that I'm pregnant.

I've wondered for weeks how they would respond. After all, Tom and I will have been married only two years when this baby arrives, not the requisite three. Seriously, I've had dreams where I tell friends I'm pregnant only for them to stare at me blankly.

I've prepared defense speeches: "Look, Tom and I are 29-years-old. If we had married earlier in life, we would wait longer. But we've had lots of life experience without children, even though we weren't together all of that time. And we'd like more than one child. And you never know how long it's going to take to get pregnant." Yada, yada, yada.

Boy, fifty years ago, you had to defend yourself for not having a baby right away!

The Response

As with just about all of my pregnancy fears so far, this one was completely unfounded. I've yet to tell a friend who didn't squeal with joy.

One friend went straight out to buy me A Pregnancy Journal. Another friend came over the next day with our first baby gift: tiny white onesies with a little animal on each. My third friend offered to lend me her entire maternity wardrobe (a very style-savvy friend, I might add, whose generous mother happily purchased designer labels).

The attention is almost embarrassing. I feel like a queen bee. My friends don't tire of asking questions. Will you find out if it's a girl or a boy? Are you going to move? Have you talked about names? Have you been to the doctor? I don't tire of answering.

Still, the Cat's in the Bag

With the exception of these few friends, the pregnancy will remain under wraps several more wraps for a few reasons.

First, until we pass the first trimester, I will limit who I tell to those folks I would confide in if we miscarried.

Second, I want to prolong telling my workplace. I'll not be returning after the baby is born, which I'll be honest about from the time I share my news. I work in the sort of place where people will be thrilled for me and support my decision, but still... There's something that changes when people know you're on your way out of a job.

So I'm content to keep the secret another month or more. Besides, it's exciting to sit in a room of people thinking, "I'm pregnant-- and nobody in here has a clue!"

What's going to be hard is a cookout on the fourth of July. My not drinking a couple of beers would certainly draw attention, and pretending to be the designated driver doesn't work when your husband sticks to Coke. So I'm tempted to empty out some beer bottles, fill them with water, and replace the caps.