Full Circle (Wk 40: PREGNANCY)

January 30, 2006

My doctor didn't bring up induction dates last week, much to my relief. This week, though, at 40+ weeks, I imagine the talk is coming.

I've realized that my reasons for not wanting to be induced go beyond the practical. It's not just my desire for a med-free birth or the increased risks (though waiting beyond 10 days has risks of its own). It's that... I've had months to daydream about how and when labor would begin. Where will I be when that first contraction strikes? At home, in the grocery store, driving the car? How will Tom react? Where will he be?

How long will I labor at home? Will we watch movies, bake bread, or by completely focused on my bodily sensations?

To be induced, to drive to the hospital to be hooked up to machines, is an anticlimactic way to begin.

Still, I've got some time for things to happen on their own. I'm not much past forty weeks, and most first babies are a little "late."

Back to Waiting

So I'm in the waiting game. Again.

I'm reminded of the wait I had before trying to conceive, when my thoughts were divided between baby daydreams and efforts to distract myself from them. I recall my waits to ovulate once we did start trying.

Most of all, I remember the "two-week-waits" when I'd analyze every bodily symptom with hope and hysteria. I'd pore over pregnancy books, frustrated by the lack of information on that time before the missed period. I'd search the internet for strange, rare signs with which I might relate.

And so now, I again watch and wait over my body, reading about other women's prelabor symptoms and hoping to relate... with little luck. I've come full circle.